Author: Rachel
Words turn to black marks
And the waves of emptiness crash into me
I freeze
Numb with emptiness
Anxiety emanates from my fingers
And my face cannot break
Expressionless
A lump in my throat
An ache in my back
Dizzying eyes
I feel sick to my stomach
Too many
Sugar coated bubble gum milk bottles
A pound a bag from the k market
I rub my eyes with my thumb and middle finger
Or to be more precise I put pressure on the eyeballs
My thumb has my right eye
My finger the left eye
Starting at the outer edges of each eye
I draw thumb and finger across the eyes
To meet at the bridge of my nose
The eyes are weary
Tired and sting a little
It’s all the soot
Falling
Down from the ceiling
The soot sifts down
And finds all the crevasses
May 6th
May 6th
the world is a much quieter place now
I can hear the birds chirp more clearly
every sound
every action
seems magnified
and yet contained
people seem less friendly
not even a smile as I pass by
instead of smiles
looks of disgust
with no real reason as to why
it will soon feel like
the early hours
all day
an extension of the quiet
and the void
just the crows
crowing.
written Thursday 19th March 2020
I start my walk alone
but I am not alone
in the park there are lots of other people walking
keeping a distance
some people ruin the time outside
playing music from their phone, that nobody wants to hear
I walk behind an older couple
I slow my pace to match theirs
so I can keep a distance
people don’t know how to react in these times
you overtake somebody and they get annoyed
they fear you’re getting too close
dogs are barking
I stop at the sensory garden
a garden for the blind
there’s a wind chime that chimes when the wind blows
the town hall bell rings as the clock strikes 3
there’s lavender planted here
there’s almost too many people in the park
I thought of you two as I made my way through the woods
pictured you walking next to me
your footsteps mirroring mine
and we walk past yet another person, playing awful music from their phone
we pass children on bicycles
dogs and people
some people smile, others don’t
some people say hello, others go by without a word
its spring here
the time of year when the temperature changes
one minute its warm, the next it’s freezing cold
its hard to decide what one should wear
there’s a mixture of choices going on in the park today
some are dressed in hat and fleece
others shorts and t-shirt
I wear a thin jumper and a thin jacket
comfortably warm, I like to be warm
I feel more comfortable
I pass a section of the path
where trees cast a shadow, as the light shines though its branches
down onto scattered shards of stone and rock,
reminding me of a similar scene in Finland
I forgot what time of day it is, as I say good morning to someone who passes by
it’s 10 past 3 in the afternoon
I stop by the pond in the park, its covered in green algae
its quite beautiful, its trees casting a shadow on its surface
you just have to look past the rubber tyre and plastic bottle
I walk past a family of four, two young girls
each parent sat on separate benches, both with phones in their hand
paying no attention to the children
I past the pond now, from the other side
there are patterns and swirls in the algae
its like a painting, a painting in the water
all the while birds are chirping, dogs are barking
ducks are waddling
I picture you both again
but this time in your own countries, in your own landscape
and I remember they way you walk
I see your faces and you smile
and that makes me smile