Words turn to black marks

And the waves of emptiness crash into me

I freeze

Numb with emptiness

Anxiety emanates from my fingers

And my face cannot break

Expressionless

A lump in my throat

An ache in my back

Dizzying eyes

 

I feel sick to my stomach

Too many

Sugar coated bubble gum milk bottles

A pound a bag from the k market

I rub my eyes with my thumb and middle finger

Or to be more precise I put pressure on the eyeballs

My thumb has my right eye

My finger the left eye

 

Starting at the outer edges of each eye

I draw thumb and finger across the eyes

To meet at the bridge of my nose

The eyes are weary

Tired and sting a little

 

It’s all the soot

Falling

Down from the ceiling

The soot sifts down

And finds all the crevasses

 

 

 

the world is a much quieter place now

I can hear the birds chirp more clearly

every sound

every action

seems magnified

and yet contained

people seem less friendly

not even a smile as I pass by

instead of smiles

looks of disgust

with no real reason as to why

it will soon feel like

the early hours

all day

an extension of the quiet

and the void

just the crows

crowing.

 

written Thursday 19th March 2020

 

April 15th – Audio

 

I start my walk alone

but I am not alone

in the park there are lots of other people walking

keeping a distance

 

some people ruin the time outside

playing music from their phone, that nobody wants to hear

 

I walk behind an older couple

I slow my pace to match theirs

so I can keep a distance

people don’t know how to react in these times

you overtake somebody and they get annoyed

they fear you’re getting too close

dogs are barking

I stop at the sensory garden

a garden for the blind

there’s a wind chime that chimes when the wind blows

the town hall bell rings as the clock strikes 3

there’s lavender planted here

 

there’s almost too many people in the park

 

I thought of you two as I made my way through the woods

pictured you walking next to me

your footsteps mirroring mine

and we walk past yet another person, playing awful music from their phone

we pass children on bicycles

dogs and people

some people smile, others don’t

some people say hello, others go by without a word

 

its spring here

the time of year when the temperature changes

one minute its warm, the next it’s freezing cold

its hard to decide what one should wear

there’s a mixture of choices going on in the park today

some are dressed in hat and fleece

others shorts and t-shirt

I wear a thin jumper and a thin jacket

comfortably warm, I like to be warm

I feel more comfortable

 

I pass a section of the path

where trees cast a shadow, as the light shines though its branches

down onto scattered shards of stone and rock,

reminding me of a similar scene in Finland

I forgot what time of day it is, as I say good morning to someone who passes by

it’s 10 past 3 in the afternoon

I stop by the pond in the park, its covered in green algae

its quite beautiful, its trees casting a shadow on its surface

you just have to look past the rubber tyre and plastic bottle

 

I walk past a family of four, two young girls

each parent sat on separate benches, both with phones in their hand

paying no attention to the children

I past the pond now, from the other side

there are patterns and swirls in the algae

its like a painting, a painting in the water

all the while birds are chirping, dogs are barking

ducks are waddling

 

I picture you both again

but this time in your own countries, in your own landscape

and I remember they way you walk

I see your faces and you smile

and that makes me smile