I feel sick to my stomach

Too many

Sugar coated bubble gum milk bottles

A pound a bag from the k market

I rub my eyes with my thumb and middle finger

Or to be more precise I put pressure on the eyeballs

My thumb has my right eye

My finger the left eye


Starting at the outer edges of each eye

I draw thumb and finger across the eyes

To meet at the bridge of my nose

The eyes are weary

Tired and sting a little


It’s all the soot


Down from the ceiling

The soot sifts down

And finds all the crevasses



Now at just past 8pm I started walking. Well not quite. I was thinking about walking. I felt a charge that I usually feel when I prepare to start walking. I want to use this charge, use it here in this space. I’m noticing the difference in perception, of how I am to be somewhere even though I am still, sitting. My time is timed and my breathing is anxious. Reality is thicker but more transparent and I feel a tiny rush of adrenaline heightening my awareness. The sound of space, undefinable white noise cooked together by a breath. The outside and inside overlap, the thought life and perceived experience experience experience. A mix of anticipation, wonder and colours with a slight pressure on my upper cheeks. I am still walking through a moment of infinite expansion. Folds are no longer folds, textures become packaging. I wonder how long I’ve been walking. The screen is bright. And my fingers make sounds and move like ants. Quick with sudden breaks. And I dream of green. My lips are dry and I lick them. Breathing in – feeling the air warming up in my mouth before it enters. I’m in the room, still. Sitting. Scratching my forehead slightly. Ok, I’m here.




From last week

Yesterday we buried a small bird. It’s been a while since one flew against the window. The fall to the floor – in slow motion. Its tail twitched for one or two seconds and then with eyes closed the bird lay still. The earth was black and the earthworms fled to the surface when I pushed the shovel into the ground.


This morning a flock of shrieking black birds circling the large pine outside that same window reminded me that I’m awake. Was it because of the marten at the base of the tree or the fall down the stairs earlier that caused all ears to tremble with peevishness.